Jewish Interfaith Counseling

The most significant figure in my Jewish life was my paternal grandfather Ely Meltzer who was an Orthodox rabbi, Talmud teacher and one of the heads of the NYC area shochtim union. After studying at Yeshiva in Belarus — even after his family had already emigrated to the US — Ely arrived in NYC in 1912 without a penny to his name. Although my father moved out of the shtetl of Kingsbridge Heights in the Bronx and out of Orthodox Judaism, honoring and participating in our Papa's Orthodox halachic approach was an essential part of my Jewish upbringing. So when I started falling in love with Shelley my wife now for 43 years in my junior year at Harvard (I remember a second date when we were comparing her Christian Scientist theological upbringing with my Jewish one when I realized "boy Donald, are you in trouble…"), I knew that my human commitments and beliefs and some aspects of my Jewish identity were going to clash. For me, it was never even a question to ask Shelley to convert to Judaism because it was so obvious that she had her own powerful belief system that was essential to her identity… just as central as my Judaism was to mine. But equally for me, raising our children in the Jewish faith was critical to my sense of self and so all of our four children have been to the mikvah and have been b'nai mitzvah'd… while at the same time recognizing and understanding their mother's Christian Science upbringing and Christian mindset.

While I joke now that "Shelley and I intermarried before it was fashionable to do so," we have truly walked the walk of having a Jewish yet interfaith family, including a very positive and close set of relationships with Shelley's family of origin.

There isn't much about interfaith marriage and an interfaith family-raising that Shelley and I haven't had to deal with so if I/we can be helpful to you or your family as you are confronted with both the challenges and opportunities that flow from an interfaith marriage, please contact me to discuss how a counseling range could be helpful.